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4/13/2005 i'm not dead...don't worry...
me thinks i need your guy's email address though. if you're interested, i'll make it easy for you and spare you from unecessary spam and junk mail by just posting (one of) mine and let you guys email me, and then i'll email you back with my more used one.
igetmyexplodingcows@hotmail.com
either copy and paste or just click the link if you have something like outlook or msn and i'll get back to you guys. i'll for sure come back to my blog, but i want to make sure that i keep in touch with those whom friendships have been cultivated with. heck, even if we haven't really gotten to know each other, you can email me anyways if you want. i certainly won't mind.
-dave. 3/23/2005 loser : winnerso here's the scene: God makes a masterpiece or two; Adam and Eve in the garden, and a jailbreak at the zoo. it's the woman who screws up first, but it's on the shoulders of the man. God found out, threw 'em out, and the rest of their lives began. a coupl'a years later, it's my turn. what's this, i'm already a sinner? it's the very nature i was born with; life's too hard - i'm just a beginner! before the age of three, i've learned that it's all about me. and at the tender age of four, it's just more, more, more. eighteen - uh oh, now i'm an adult. lookin' for the reset button, but life's not a video game. how do i get rid of all my sin? a big sign reading Heaven: perfection required. with all the sin i've aquired, that's all that i've ever desired. but my feeble attempts were to no avail; i've finally concluded i am unable. then some stranger starts talking to me, about some Guy who was born in a stable. He lived a perfect life? He wants to swap lives with me? i'm a loser, but this Dude's a winner; how could i not agree? now i'm free from my sin; my shackles are unlocked. all this time, all i had to do, was open the door when He knocked. yeah, i used to be a loser; a downright dirty sinner. but now i'm on top of the world, because my God, He's a winner. -dave. 3/22/2005 goals for today...alright, so i need to get some things done today and i know that statistically, you get more things done if you set goals. i'll put them in bullets (as opposed to numbered) because they are all pretty stinkin' important, this is just how they are coming to me.
umm.. i think that's it, but those can all be broken down into a million things lol. i think i'll start with the applications first. i'll let you know how it goes. oh, one more thing... where is that...
-dave. 3/19/2005 something light.not too much to say. and if there was, i'm really too tired to do so. plus, it would be irresponsible of me, because i have oh-so-much to get done. of course, i've been putting all of that off pretty much the whole quarter. oops. anyways, i've been hanging out with a few friends lately. thursday was cool, played frisbee with the gang and a few of us went to two of the gang's apartment (that'd be carson and matt). we got some ice cream and totally pigged out. i ended up leaving it in their fridge, so i was pleased to go back the next day, do some more hanging out, and some more pigging out. we played nintendo 64 both days (old school baby, heck yes) where i royally owned, but only because i never had a life growing up and nintendo was my only friend. i won't go into any more detail, but i did succumb to doing this survey on matt's blog. man... i must not have a life.
also, i downloaded this browser called avant, and i have only good things to say so far. it's highly decorated (with awards) and very easy to install, so i suggest you at least give it a test run. you'll never know if you don't try.
-dave.
ps - oh yeah. matt and carson know about my blog now, and it's so relieving to know that other people struggle with this currently. of course i know that this is a problem for plenty of people out there, but... there's just something about being reminded of it, about having friends that you can talk to about it, that you can call and just have a normal conversation about it because it's common to man. i'm so thankful that God has given me these friendships; with guys, with guys going through the same thing, with people my age - all these things have been so foreign to me for so long. thank's, Dad. 3/16/2005 and in this corner, belief-forcing!apparently, the issue of forcing one's beliefs on others is quite a hot potato. i see arguments from both sides, some i agree with, and some i don't like so much. after reading all the comments, i thought it might be good to give my say on the topic. you'll find it's somewhat of a compromise, but more extreme of a stance than you might have expected.
as velvetmace pointed out first, the act of believing is a function of one’s own self, and thus anyone outside of one’s self is completely unable to make the decision to believe. as i attempt to think of possible rebuttals, things like persuasion, media, and brainwashing come to mind. in the area of persuasion, i think we are all responsible for the knowledge and wisdom we pass on to others. this is why the Bible says that those in a place of authority in the Church, i.e., pastors, ministers, etc., are held to a higher standard and “will incur a stricter judgment.” (James 3:1). however, it is still the will that makes the final decision (the same applies to the media, just on a much bigger and more organized scale). as for brainwashing, i’m going to take the stance that in the end, it is still the responsibility of the person, however, the responsibility also lays on those who are involved in the brainwashing and on those who know the Truth to break them free of those chains. even though in these other cases, brainwashing especially, less responsibility is taken off the person making the decision to believe, they will still reap what they sow.
Bryson (Brysonic_D) made the point that telling someone that they shouldn’t force their ideas onto another is in itself forcing their ideas onto another. it’s a well made point and a fairly simple one at that. i think that if you adhere to any standard of logic, you might be forced (no pun intended) to accept this argument.
thinks2much4me (t2m4m) makes some good points as well. she starts by stating that there is a difference between forcing and sharing one’s beliefs. in this context, i take the meaning of “forcing” as more of a... trying as if one could force one’s beliefs on others. in this sense, it’s like a relentless, unceasing badgering where the person just won’t quit. she basically says that we should share with others the Truth, but leave it at that (i would only add that we should continue in prayer for them). on a more personal note, t2m4m takes a jab at my claim to be a bigot; in its purest form, bigotry is simply the idea of intolerance. righteous intolerance (being intolerant of sin and other things that God was and is intolerant of) is what i strive for, and i believe that if you skim the Bible you’ll find numerous times when God was not going to tolerate sin. in the same way, i will not sit idly by and watch the gay movement, abortion, pornography, and the many other strategic fronts move in and destroy my family, my friends, my community, my country, my world, and my self. make no mistake, this is a war, and i will pick up my sword and put on my armor and fight.
velvetmace again steps up to the plate and makes two different claims. i feel the need to not so much correct him, but to encourage him on the first count. velvet, you say that you will tell people that God is Truth, but think you don’t know enough to tell people about Him. first of all, you’ll never comprehend God completely, but i think you do know enough to at least give people the basics. don’t worry, you’re not required to know everything, but like my youth pastor says, when you don’t know something, fall back on what you do know. second, God wants us to know more about Him, and you’ll never know God if you don’t pursue a personal relationship with Him. a huge part of that is communication; prayer is a two-part process. you talk to God through prayer, and He will respond through His Word. that requires that you’re in prayer and also in the Word. the more time you spend with Him, the better you will get to know Him, and the better equipped you will be to share your knowledge with others. third, i think it is our responsibility as Christians to learn about God in order to inform others. Paul says to “...preach the word; be ready in season and out of season...” (2 Timothy 4:2). again, you’re not required to be a theology scholar, but learn and be prepared to pass on that knowledge to others.
the second of vevlvetmace’s two claims is that he doesn’t know of any Christian ever forcing their convictions onto someone else. The_Zen_of_Two (Zo2) takes up this one and points out many movements in the name of God (not necessarily backed by God) where the purpose was to force others to conform and adopt their beliefs. on velvetmace’s behalf, i don’t think what he said was exactly what he meant. however, Zo2 still makes a strong point in that there have been many organized attempts (which i think are wrong and do not represent God at all). velvetmace rolls with this though, and even though he basically abandons he previous stance, he does take the stand that although those attempts were said to be in the name of God, they were not actually. again, i agree with this claim – i don’t remember Jesus leading any crusades. (i also strongly agree with Zo2’s that we should be careful with our words).
LovelyLadyKat (LLK) makes a quick but great point in that there comes a time when even while sharing with others our faith and the Truth, we need to back off and give it to God. yes, i believe it is purely a matter of respect, but more importantly, we don’t want to move them farther away from God than they already are. good point LLK :)
t2m4m – about your comment on “holy wars” in specific, i think i’ll side with what the Bible says. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12).
to bring all this back together and fulfill the claim that i would take a stance that is in some ways a compromise and in some ways more extreme than anticipated, i’m going to conclude with my stance on the subject. i believe there’s a time to open our mouths and let the Spirit flow, and there’s a time to keep our mouths closed and let the Spirit flow. hidden there is the belief that God does not need our words to get through to someone, a.k.a., “actions speak louder than words.” as Christians we should be living righteously and will thus produce fruit that others will see. it’s the idea of Christians being lights – it should be incredibly evident that something is different about us. so in the end, these two quotes fit perfectly: “preach the Word to all the nations - use words only as necessary” and “ministry is just your walk with Christ hitting others on the way.”
-dave.
3/15/2005 small intermission...i had a few thoughts i figured i might jot down... be careful, some are loaded heh. (ps - $(_)p3rI\/I@I\I, glad to hear it. check back, leave your blog url, email, or some other way to contact you, i'd like to keep in touch).
1. i wonder if Christians are scared of me. specifically, other Christians on spaces, who will visit blogs that link to me, blogs that i link to, and even my own, and perhaps will add blogs that they found through mine, but won't link mine. is it because this is such a secretive subject? porn, oh, you just don't talk about that in the open. maybe they're scared of sinners? i admit it, i sin, i sin all the time, but everyone does. how can someone claim to be Christian but not link to my blog? i know that that sounds like i'm saying that if you don't, you're not Christian, but of course i'm not saying that. i'm simply saying, if you profess to be a Christian, i would think that you would enthusiastically put a link to my blog on your site. meh, i don't want to go much further. i know that was strong, too strong probably, but it's just what i'm thinking rather than what i actually believe. take it with a grain of salt :)
2. in response to basically saying gay-marriage is wrong, someone said that nature has its way of keeping control of the population. i think it's funny that people say that, because really, that's a very uneducated claim. i've heard that the earth isn't over-populated at all - in fact, it could hold something like 6 times the current population. i believe, because of places like japan, where they are on such a small island but pack so many people. a huge part is because they build up, while the american way is to build out. so... it's stupid to think the world is over-populated. God knew what He was doing - we'd have a freakin' ton of people if we lived forever like originally intended.
3. bigotry. i strive to be the biggest bigot on the face of the planet. if you think that it's necessarily bad, then you're retarded (see, bigotry!). bigotry isn't necessarily bad, and it would be silly to think so, as it would to think the same thing with discrimination. a lot of people think that we need to get rid of discrimination, that it's a super bad thing. but really, discrimination can be a great thing. it keeps underage kids from drinking, prohibits them from getting behind the wheel of a car - basically, helps keep the world in order. as far as bigotry goes, i think God is the biggest bigot of there all, and thank goodness. how lame would a tolerant God be? i love God's intolerance, because in the end it's out of love for us. He's intolerant because He knows that our sin that we want everyone to be tolerant of is only going to destroy us. if God was a tolerant God, we'd all be goners. that would suck. i for one will never be tolerant. gay marriage is wrong, it's sin, get rid of it. i hate homosexuality. that's right, hate. but i proclaim it because i love homosexuals and want to see them enjoying the love of Christ and the joy of salvation.
4. it's funny that some people feel so good about themselves after bashing God, Christians, and/or their beliefs. like seriously... i can understand where the high comes from. i mean, on the internet, you basically rule the world. you do what you want when you want. you can tell someone off, close the window, never visit again, and in your mind, you win because you're such a genius and your argument was flawless. but really... it's retarded. i've said it before, but arguing on the internet is like competing in the special olympics; you might win, but you're still a flippin' retard! no offense to those who suffer from disabilities, the point is just to point out that the majority of the arguments on the internet have absolutely no point at all. they're selfish in that they are there just to make you look good, to exalt yourself. meh... whatever. again, i love righteous bigotry hehe.
5. what's with people always saying that it's bad to force your beliefs on others? everyone does it all the freakin' time, Christian or not, so... shut up? i mean, am i an arrogant, chauvinist fundamentalist just trying to convert you if i know that if you keep walking forward you'll walk off a cliff and just try to warn you? no! the guy walking off the cliff would be like WTFUDGE why didn't you TELL me!! "i didn't want to force my beliefs on you" isn't really gonna cut it. i mean, if it's the truth, why call it forcing?? who has to force their belief in gravity on someone else?? if it's true that you're going to wind up in hell and i knew, wouldn't you want me to warn you?? there's only one right answer here! i hate that people make that argument and come out thinking they are the ones who have attained this righteousness, that they're so spiritual and enlightened that they realize that you shouldn't force your beliefs on others. whatever, those are the people who see that their friends are going to walk off a cliff but say nothing. that's no friend of mine.
6. i hate that people get completely mixed on what the Bible has to say about judging. to be quick about it, judging is not always bad. we even need to judge. but, we need to do it out of love. people think that we need to just live and let live, but that's hogwash. proverbs says that the wounds of a friend are faithful, but the kisses of the enemy are deceitful. a friend will tell you when you're screwing up, a friend will tell you when sin is sin and how to get rid of it. a friend will not just stand idly by while you go down a path that will destroy you. and i will stand up for what is right, and things like gay marriage is not right. yes, i'm judging harshly, and as it should be. don't get me confused, i'm not saying i hate homosexuals, just homosexuality. hate the sin, not the sinner. the point is, there is a time to judge and there is a time not to judge. but judging, like bigotry and discrimination, is not always bad.
7. haha, random christian guy made me think of a new one: abortion! or, as i like to call it, legalized and socially accepted genocide! i ask you, how many americans were killed in the entire duration of the war? i dunno! but i do know that over 4 thousand human beings are brutally blendorized in the US every single day. that makes the war in iraq look like schoolyard roughhousing. you wonder why AIDS hasn't been cured, the cure for cancer hasn't been found, the hungry are still hungry, the poor are still poor, and the world is in such disarray. all the people that God sent to fix these problems, we murdered ruthlessly without even giving them a chance. upon checking up on my facts, i found this website showing how more mothers die due to abortion than childbirth. abortion is S I N.
i'm not sure how coherent all this is. i wanted to get through it kind of quickly so i can hit the hay. booya!
in His loving hatred, bigotry, intolerance, judgment, and so on and so forth, -dave.
ps - somoene flame me! please? i won't even argue, i'll just pray for you!! 3/13/2005 a coupl'a questions.the purpose driven life. never read it myself, but i've certainly heard about it. for now though, i'm more interested in your opinion regarding this ever-popular book. i'd like to know, have you read it? have you read it more than once, and if so, how often do you read it? does your church read it on sundays, and if so, how much of it? do they ask you to read it, and if so, how much of it?
just a few things i'm wondering. if you wouldn't mind, i'd be grateful, and if you'd like to add anything, you're more than welcome. thanks :)
-dave.
ps - i'll let this go for a little while, i'd like to gather as many opinions as possible, so don't be shy (bring the wife and kids :P). 3/12/2005 haha, sorry sarah =\alright... so here's the dealio on what's been goin' on lately.
tuesday i turned eighteen. i think mentioned that before (don't worry, i'm not just gloating, it's relevant).
thursday i was at school, and since i was eighteen, i wanted to get my own bank account, on my own. so i was gonna take the bus just down a little ways, hop into usbank, do my business, and ask my mom to come get me. as it turns out, my friend saw me at the bus stop (i didn't, i was reading), stopped somewhere, and came over. it was sweet, 'cause she said she didn't have to go to work and we she could give me a ride to the bank, and then to the lodge (where youth group is), and i was just going to hang out there with some friends (two members of a band in oregon) until youth group started. so i asked my mom, and she was like "umm... sure." so my day was really beginning to brighten, except when we got to the lodge, our youth pastor mentioned that it wasn't a great idea for me to be riding with a girl. so, i ended up not going to the bank, just staying there. but i still got to hang out with friends. well, all i had to eat that day was an english muffin with sausage and cheese in it at around 10.30, so i was starving. i asked the members of the band if they wanted to go walk to the store, but they said they were full of carls jr. (fair enough), who incidentally, supports gay marriages i guess. we easily segued into that conversation. well around 6.30, i was really hungry, so i called mi madre and asked her to bring me just a little something, because my youth pastor said not to eat anything because we were going to go out afterwards anyways. so youth group commences, but the message was out of order (Calvary Chapel's study the whole Bible verse-by-verse, but we jumped out of Ephesians were we usually were) and fairly short. although i noticed, these things, i didn't think too much of it. it was still powerful, and during the ending worship, he had all the leaders go up to the front and asked that if anyone needed prayer, we could go to them. so, i did, because my big convictions right now are (besides just dealing with my struggle) obeying (God, parents, youth pastor) and owning up to my sins (and seeking forgiveness). so we prayed, and it so happened that we were the last ones and went a little over. well, when we got done, mike (my youth pastor) told me to put on this other shirt (lol, i don't want to make this longer) and come out. so i did, and when i opened the door, the room erupted in happy birthday (my dad video taping with his new camera of course). apparently, my mom did bring me some food. about six dozen tacos; needless to say, we had a feast. two of my friends made a cake, there was ice cream (i love ice cream), and a whole lotta fun. now, this is all heightened by the fact that i am 99% of the time never surprised. but this time, i was genuinely surprised. when i looked back, i had to laugh at how perfectly it all went off. my friend driving me to the lodge right after school worked perfectly for mom who had a ton of tacos to make. my youth pastor keeping me from eating because he knew my mom was going to bring a ton of food. the band members telling me they were full of carls jr. because they knew too. the shorter message because he wanted there to be enough time for the party afterwards. even God played a part in keeping me in prayer with my leader longer than everyone else.
"ahh God... You're so funny. You love me even though i continue in my habitual sin(s). You truly do want to bless me... and if an earthly father will bless his son, how much more will You, my Heavenly Father, bless me... and all i have to do is open myself up to it. Your will be done, not mine, and it will go much better with me than i could have ever imagined."
friday, however, i did end up getting a bank account. that was a funny day too, as i was supposed to meet with a teacher a week or so back, and asked if today was going to be okay, but she said she was busy, so we agreed on sometime next week. but then a friend was leaving and offered to take me to the bank and then we could go get something to eat, but i declined, saying that i had to meet with a teacher. well, i went her office, saw she had someone there, so i stayed outside and just read some. then my philosophy (or God-bashing with misguided good intent) teacher came out, and quite simply said, "i hope i wasn't too hard on creationism today." i was amazed, as first of all, i had never said anything proclaiming that i was a Christian or believed in creationism. everything i said pretty was objective; so again, i was amazed that he would ask such a blunt question. i had been praying intensely the whole first hour while he was hard on creationism, and the rest i just wanted to sleep through, because it wasn't about anything i cared about. but we talked about it a little bit, and i just pray that somehow, God used whatever words i could find. i'm becoming an ever-stronger believer in the power of prayer, and have been praying a lot about this. anyways, while that was cool, it eventually ended and i went to just read my book on (coincidently) prayer. my english teacher finally came out for something, spotted me, and just said hi and stuff. she later came out again and all the sudden i remembered that our meeting wasn't until next week, so i felt pretty stupid just reading in the humanities lounge lol. so after telling her that i just completely forgot, i left, planning to take the bus because my friend was long gone i was sure. well, to cut a few of the unimportant details out, while i was at the bank setting up my new account, the very same friend that was going to drive me there walked in! i told him that i was such a doofus because i didn't even need to go to my teacher’s office after all. it wasn't long before i was done and we went to a friend’s house not far away. then my mom called, said i needed to go back to factoria because my dad needed me to pick up his car and needed me to drive it him (because he needed to drive the car he took there). but then my friend needed to go to work, but he was able to drop me off in factoria. but en route, my mom called me again and told me that my dad wasn't going and i needed to get home. an impossibility of course, because my friend needed to go to work! so he dropped me off where he could, i ended up getting some taco bell, and my mom picked me up. then around five-ish, my youth pastor and the two band members/friends came by, ready to go rock out at a concert at a church in seattle, mars hill. echocast and grits were opening, but we were going for pillar. i found my other friends that were going (friends from school/campus crusade, including the friend that drove me around), and after enduring through echocast and grits, pillar came out and brought down the house. ahh... it's been a while since i had been to a concert, let alone a good mosh pit. we all had a grand ol' time, i got a cool zip-up sweatshirt, and we all met up at dicks (aka richards now ROFLMBO) and had ourselves an a-class dinner. there's nothing better than going to dicks full of other people's sweat! yeah! hehe.
the two band members left this morning, i slept in, played a video game or two with my hurting neck (probably from sleeping wrong, but i'm sure the concert didn't help), and now here i am.
i also moved my computer (it's a tablet (a laptop with a screen that swivels around so you can write on it like a pocket pc) so it didn't take much work) out to the dinner room per my youth pastor and mother's strong advice. they weren't really making me, but... well you know how it is, when you have to do something without them making you... blegh. the point is to provide no provision for the flesh, so i moved my big chair out too, which will make it harder for me to just move my computer back up to my room when i'm in the mood, because there will be no chair... but i'm still considering taking my door off too. i know myself too well, and i know that i really need to take this to the extreme. anyways, thems the haps, i hope this is long enough to carry anyone who bothers to read this over for a few days, and as for my next entry, i've got an idea or two (pdl for one).
-dave. 3/8/2005 alright, it's official.eighteen years ago, approximately 1442 days ago i was born at 11.07pm. that's it, this is the beginning of the rest of my life.
...oh boy.
-dave. 3/7/2005 that's funny...on my profile, it says i'm 18, but my birthday isn't until tomorrow. i checked my settings, and sure enough, it said march 8th, but still, even though it's march 7th, it says it's my birthday.
that's just silly.
-dave. Origami Boulder Company.YOU BUY WADDED UP PAPER NOW!!!! 3/6/2005 SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.haha, i just read an extremely funny post on Crackers having to do with mistranslations into the english language. always a hilarious topic!
i personally love this one:
now get out of here and tootle your horn with vigor!
-dave. 3/5/2005 "i love you."perhaps the greatest three-word phrase out there; maybe even of all phrases. but honestly, as soon as you read the title, you thought about either God, or the opposite sex.
well, i'm not. i'm talking about the potency of those three words when you say them to someone of the same sex. to be up front about it, i love saying "i love you" to my best friend. it makes me feel so good to know that someone loves me, that someone would give up anything for me, that someone would die for me, and i for them. the bond i have with my best friend is unbreakable, simply because we have been through so much together. and believe me, they’re things that 99% of people have not and never will go through. they’re things that you wouldn't want to go through.
but the best way i can describe it is by saying that trials and tribulations are the glue that holds the bond. it's not just in spite of the hard times that we have sucked it up and stayed friends. no, it's because of those times that we have become inseparable. i cry for him. i pray for him. i yearn for his sense of humour, his ability to make sense out of life again, the way he always makes me feel better, even his presence. in a world where everyone has a friend, everyone has someone to catch them when they fall, everyone has someone, i felt so left out till i found him. in a place where no one understands me, he sometimes knows me better than i know myself. if you've ever seen the episode of the simpson’s where bart sells his soul but in a dream realizes that he can't row a boat by himself to get to wherever everyone else is going across this body of water (i'm guessing heaven is the destination); well, it's kind of like that. i love that it's an equally balanced relationship; i guess you could say we're both rowing together. there are times that he needs help, advice, someone to talk to, and i love being there for him, i love being able to give him those things when i am able. and then there are times when i am the one who needs help, who needs the advice, who needs someone to talk to.
i thank God that He has given me someone that i can love like this. i love that i've been blessed with such pure, brotherly love, untainted by the world’s idea that you can't love someone of the same sex or else you're a homo. i love that i can look the world in the face, proclaim that i love my friend, and not be ashamed. not have to worry about being called gay because i am steadfast in knowing that i am not. i love, i love, i love.
i'm not going to religify this - there really isn't any point at all about this entry. i was simply inspired to share my feelings after just having helped my friend with something and at the end, telling him i love him. it was then that i realized how much he meant to me; i was consumed with love for him. heh... after i gave some advice, he kinda got mad, annoyed really, and said he was reminded with how good a counselor i would make. those are such great moments...
b, i love you.
-dave. "pron is no THAT bad"?1. My son, keep my words (Proverbs 7:1-27)
yeah, porn's not that bad. just like an arrow to the liver isn't that bad.
-dave. 3/4/2005 please, stay a while.i've come to realize recently that it's a fairly frequent occurrence that someone will find my blog from somewhere outside of the spaces circle. i can tell this because i can see where everyone is coming from, and as it turns out, pretty much all of these are from search engines, the majority of which were not meant to find an anti-porn blog, but just the opposite in fact. i find this interesting, because if i was out to get some smut, and in the midst of all the links promising 100% free access to everything, would i notice a link to the "#1 christian pr0n blog," most of all? how completely out of place it would be, and yet, in exactly the place i want it to be. honestly, my curiosity would probably overpower my hormones and i'd see what all this was about, and maybe, things would change. maybe it's some guy, divorced, nothin' on the boob tube, bored, decides to see how he can satisfy his flesh for the moment. maybe it's a kid, not really familiar with the territory but curious and unknowing. keep in mind, the average age people are exposed to pornography is 12. these are the people i'm after; the diseased-stricken, the desperate, the spiritually dead. sorry guys, but this space is not a hall for all the perfect religious Christians. i'm on the corner of the streets in the enemy's camp, screaming, warning, loving - and i don't want to be anywhere else. only by God do i have the strength to be here; only because of God do people come here by "accident;" only the Holy Spirit can send the people who need it most here.
if you've stumbled on here by accident, please, stay a while. this is a hospital - there's plenty of sick, needy, dying people here; you're in good company. we're in the business of healing, and i want you to experience the same healing powers that i have. freedom from sin, forgiveness, grace, mercy, love - these things can be yours! and all for 3 low payments of NOTHING. no hail marys, no purgatory, just Jesus and His free gift of salvation. if this is something you're struggling with, let other people know; tell people. get uncomfortable and get help. this is a road you do not want to go down. trust me.
stay anonymous, ask questions, tell me your life story, ask for my email, whatever you want, i'm here to serve you. honestly... i don't want to see another child of God become the victim of this spiritual slavery. i was, and it's no fun. especially when you realize that Jesus saw me at my very worst moment and still decided to die for me (and He would have died for me alone if i was the only sinner) on the cross. that's how much Jesus loves you and i; how can you settle for the lies of porn when you've got that?
in His unconditional love, -dave. 3/2/2005 just the facts.my birthday is in 6 days; march 8th. i'll be 18. an official adult. i feel like the rest of my life is right in front of me, and this is the start. the last 18 years were just practice; this is the real thing. no one to keep me from screwing up; no one to tell me when i'm making the wrong decisions; no one to force me to make the right ones. no one. i feel as though, these 18 years were all in preparation; training. now we're finally up to the main event. the real deal. the race known as life. everything that i've done up to this point will either aid me or hinder me. like my 5th grade teacher used to say, you wouldn't shoot yourself in the foot before you run a race, would you?
well, of course not, only an idiot would do that.
i did.
really, that's an understatement. by this time, i've pretty much amputated my own metaphysical legs, leaving myself to compete in a wheelchair, while everyone else has been increasing their strength, endurance, speed, for this one race. what a disadvantage i'm at. it's unfortunate that i've crippled myself so, spiritually speaking. since the beginning of february, there have been 3 days where some kittens were killed. pretty good, but only compared to my previous track record. but 3 blemishes still stand out vividly on a white shirt. i've got so far to go, so many battles to fight... the battles are getting longer, tougher... and satan is getting wittier. he's really pullin' out the big guns; makin' all the stops. he really wants to flex his muscles on this one, but it helps to believe that there's a reason why he hates me so much, why he doesn't want me to see victory. because i'm dangerous. i'm dangerous to his own plot, his own plan. wearing the armor of God and having the Bible as my sword i will slice into his followers, i will slay the demons of his army, i will attack the people of this world. these are things i will do, and i will do them well. Christ said that we would do greater things than He, and i'm no Jesus, but through Him, i will accomplish amazing feats. dangerous.
but it takes two to fight a war, and as Christ's army is buffin' up, so is the enemy's. a girl in school here from japan in my international business 150 class invited me to a party on friday. she didn't invite anyone else in the class that i know of, specifically one other guy that sits next to me that she's also friends with, and when i ask who else would be there, she didn't give me a straight answer. just, other people. she's also 22, very cute, and informed me that her host family wouldn't be there, nor would they even know about it. my first thoughts were, well, not even my own. they were straight from the Holy Spirit, and i thank Him for his discernment, because something's off. host family wouldn't be there, wouldn't even know... she didn't invite anyone else, etc... maybe i'm just searching for ways to boost my ego, but i'd rather err on the side of caution. besides, make no provision for the flesh and be above reproach, right? not to mention, it's super unlikely that my mom would allow me to go aware of the circumstances. i'd have to lie, and if i have to lie to go somewhere, it's probably not somewhere i should be in the first place. i can feel how my pride is trying so hard to surface and take the credit for being this wise and mature, but i can only boast in the Lord, that He has given me this wisdom. i love it. i love wisdom. i've been going through Proverbs (by restriction requirement, but i'm loving it nonetheless) and have just been prospering so much. i love wisdom, i love God, i love to learn about Him, i love righteousness and i want so much to live upright. all praise belongs to God for all of this.
besides screwing up, what else... how bout... my hatred for catholicism, homosexuality, and all things that separate us from God? this is basically stemming from the ongoing debates about homosexuality (and kinda/sorta catholicism, but i hate it nonetheless) going on between a few people here on spaces. i feel like... it's not going anywhere. i feel like... God is showing me just how useless we are. that really, we play absolute, positively no part in the salvation of other people, let alone ourselves. if we can't save ourselves, what makes us, what makes me think that i somehow have the ability or can muster up the spiritual power to get someone to even take the first step in receiving salvation? who am i that i would try to boast in myself, try to boast in my own power, to try to steal God's credit? why then do we debate? what's the point? i wonder, if we spent as much time praying as we do debating and arguing... how many miracles would be had and how many more souls would be redeemed as a result. this is what God's showing me right now... why waste our time. why not go to the one who just skips the debate and changes the heart? oh man, God's wonderfulness... who may know it. and in conclusion, i hate catholicism and homosexuality (with a passion).
-dave. 3/1/2005 sooo...you ever noticed how life is going great; you're setting goals and accomplishing them; your boss seems to love you and you're guaranteed to get that promotion that comes with a raise; your lady-friends (or guy friends) are just loving you - and then it happens. it always happens like this. your plumbing declares war with you and takes out a sink, a dishwasher, and another... washer? clothes washer? same difference. the fact remains that war hurts everybody. especially me. because now we have to wash our dishes in our bathroom.
i don't think i need to elaborate. i'm sure everyone just knows that that sucks. today my mom picked me up from school with like 6 baskets of laundry and spent like 30 dollars on 6 washers and 7 driers. why she got more dryers than washers, i have no idea, but i did hear that my mom attacked some senile man with the drier door. apparently, she did a jackie chan and just sensed that trouble was a-brewin' - she opened up the door and probably saved herself from inevitable doom. needless to say, he wasn't very receptive to apologies.
at least we can take showers though... not that anyone reading this cares. you neither know who i am nor probably aren't located anywhere near me, much less about to interact with me unknowingly in the near future. meh, still, i'm sure the people i do know will appreciate it.
still, i never knew my mom had it in her though... imagine, whenever someone says that their dad could beat up our dad, my siblings will tell them that they don't care, our mom could beat up their dad.
heck, it's probably true. who am i to judge her destructive potential?
but before i go, just because i need you guys to laugh at something, and since this probably wasn't that funny, i'm getting kind of desperate. so i'll revert to a knock-knock joke one of my little sisters told when she was like 5.
knock knock. who’s theeeeeerrre? banana. banana whooooo? ...hat.
pure genius i tell ya. if only you could hear the flawless inflexion of her voice at the time... cracks me up even today.
-dave. 2/27/2005 in response to RickBuchananhere’s the original comment. i wanted to respond because i think it’s important for everyone to know the truth.
i didnt read all of ur thing because it looked very boring.. but i dont tihnk theres much of a struggle with porn or lust... like what struggle are you tlaking about. lust is natural and porn is just porn... u need a life or a gf or sumin.
here's my response:
lust may be natural, but the natural isn’t always right. Josh Harris says
So in a sense, masturbation is natural. But does natural mean good? As Christians we have to be careful about assuming that something that comes naturally to humans is morally insignificant. We live in a fallen world. Every part of this planet and our humanity has been marred by sin. So though none of the natural functions of our bodies are inherently sinful, we have to be aware that natural desires can easily become sinful cravings.
the Bible says to abstain from sexual impurity and to use our entire bodies to glorify and honor God. lust may not seem wrong, because you’re absolutely right in thinking that pretty much everyone does it. but we live in a fallen world – this is not the way God intended it to be.
as far as porn, same thing. but there’s so many bad things about porn... it’s terrible. from the obvious spread of diseases and terrible pain it brings to women, both in the porn and outside of it due to the general degrading of them because of porn, to the terrible addictions it has swallowed so many. would you want your son to be whackin’ off to porn when he’s only 10 years old? the average age that most people get introduced to porn is 12! twelve! that’s sooo young, and those poor kids are bound to be trapped in it for many many years, if not their entire lives. then it starts to seep into the rest of their lives, continually eroding away whatever morals they have. why do you think there’s so many pedophiles and molestations and incest and adultery and young girls getting pregnant and divorces and etc. etc., the list goes on! this thing is an ever-growing monster that doesn’t take hostages. it distracts you from school, you get mad grades, go through girlfriend after meaningless girlfriend throughout high school, drop out, marry one of ‘em but get divorced so fast because you’re idea of love is so twisted that you don’t even know what it is, and you can’t build a marriage off that. this stuff ain’t no joke; it screws up your entire life. porn kills by making you a slave to sin. it’s in control of your life. it makes you it’s slave; your will has been stripped and you just live to do it’s bidding. is that who you are? a slave?
think about it man.
in His love, -dave. two things...first of all, i feel old. there, i've said it, it's out in public. but for the record, let it be known that that's the first time i've ever said that (i'm pretty sure that's accurate, but if it's not, then it is the first time i've said it and actually meant it). every other space i visit is some 15 year-old girl writing in a bunch of incomprehensible jibberish about how much they love their boyfriend, or what drama they're going through this week, or what have you. but man, i just wanna puke after reading it.
their entries are full of "oh i know everyone says love but like, they don't like, mean it, y'know? but i really like, do! y'know! i "luv" you [insert victim's name here]!!@#!!$!@#$!@#!@#!!!!"
blech. so young, and soooo naive. thank goodness i was never like that...
now, onto better things, i was just reading Proverbs 5 and got wonderfully inspired by what it had to say. i quote:
i'd like to point out immediately that ANYONE that says that God or Christianity is somehow against or in some way not as for sex as non-believers, whoa, buddy. i think Christians and i KNOW that God are more in favor of sex than ANYONE else. but! only in the right context. that context, is marriage, and is the only place for sex. but in that place, within marriage, it's a God-encouraged thing to do. why the crap do you think He created it? to just tempt us outside of marriage, and then once we're on the inside, we feel like we can't do it? like it's wrong or that good Christians shouldn't defile themselves like they would be if they committed this big sin of sexual intercourse? i'm saying no way! i for one cannot (emphasized to the power of 2037492735973509734502374584375345) to get married and sex it up! and all to the glory of God, no doubt.
but beyond that, i love the picture of a perfect marriage painted in Proverbs 5. Solomon first compares it to drinking from only one cistern and getting fresh water from only one well. why should we go anywhere else? there should be only one cistern or well for us. like he says, should our springs be dispersed abroad and our streams out in the street? only an idiot would do that. so he says to let them be yours and yours alone; they are not for strangers, so don't share them with them.
then he says to let our fountain be blessed, and to rejoice in the wife of our youth! for some of you it may be husband, but the point is, get married, do it while you're young, and have sex! this is what God wants people! God doesn't call anyone to be a eunuch, although i would like to say that to some He gives the gift of being single, and that's more than alright - it's exactly what God called you to! everything needs to be used to further the kingdom of God, so don't let that hinder you. Paul talks about this, and if i knew exactly what he said, i'd give you the just, but as it is now, i can't even remember that much. but don't let it hinder your walk with Christ.
Solomon goes on to tell us, nay, to command us even, to be satisfied with our spouses body and be exhilarated always by their love. for why should we find exhilaration with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a complete foreigner, a total stranger?? there's no reason - enjoy your own spouse, and keep your hands off someone elses (my heart says "ouch!").
in the end (not of the passage, but of our lives), God will have seen everything anyway, 'cause He keeps His eye on our paths, and Solomon warns that our own iniquities will capture us, and our sins will hold us down like cords. our final breath will be taken by lack of instruction and in the greatness of our folly we'll go astray.
so what have we learned today kids? stay pure, get married young, and have lots of sex. don't go down the path of sexual impurty. it's bad for you - trust me, i've been there - it's hurting God because He knows anyways, and it will destroy you. but within a Godly context, it's healthy and encouraged to have lots of sex and honor God by doing it.
in love, -dave.
ps - maaaaan, i really want to find my cistern... where the crap is my well... what a lucky break (literally).okay, so i go out to my car to get my digital camera that i got for Christmas the other day. it had been sitting out there for probably a month or so, on the side of the door, in a case i had just bought (it was the slightest bit too small, but thought "nah forget it" (wow, so prince of bel-air...)). i bring it, open it up, look it at, turn it on, look at it again, and am apalled at how many black dots are covering my new camera! yes, black dots were sprinkled everywhere, and sprinkled is far too nice of a word to use for this, but i can't really think of anything else. i had no rhyme or reason as to why there are black dots all over my camera; i'm still completely boggled. anyways, i figured, well, as long as it still works, i'm not really sure that i don't like it, actually. 2/26/2005 the boy who stopped the world.you gave me my name, but you don’t know who i am. you changed my diapers, but you don’t know who i am. you fed me when i was hungry. but you don’t know who i am. you gave me hugs ‘n kisses, but you don’t know who i am. you bandaged my wounds when i got injured, but you don’t know who i am. you introduced me to everyone as your son, but you don’t know who i am. you shared with me your life stories, but you don’t know who i am. you’ve been with me through some of the hard times, but you don’t know who i am. you and i exchanged many a good laugh, but you don’t know who i am. you did (and did not) teach me so many things, but you don’t know who i am. you’ve had 18 years to figure it out, and still, you don’t know who i am. and now... it’s probably too late.
ps – you say you love me, but you don’t know who i am. perhaps what you love is a figment of your imagination; the boy you thought you had. the boy you wish you had.
but you don’t know who i am, and i am not that boy.
if what you love is fabrication of your dreams, who loves me? 2/25/2005 maybe i should...get started on my homework?
what's that you say? why so soon, it's only 2 am?
good point. but, i'm not one to procrastinate. so, i shall press forward.
-dave. 2/24/2005 that was a flop...well obviously that thread isn't going to go very far. meh. i'll try it again in a little while. first i wanted to say a few other things.
1. pr0n = pornography in l33t speak (computer jive). i use that because i can't use "porn" certain places because it's an offensive word.
2. get an rss feed reader people. they are teh r0x0rz (they rock). you can have it alert you with someone updates, you can read them in the reader, you can have all your favorite spaces/blogs all in one place. it's great people. it'll keep you up to date with all that's going on in the world.
edit: i forgot, info on this can be found here. i downloaded pluck personally, because it has the highest editor rating, and i am willing to back it up. it's a good problem. very easy to use. i highly recommend at least getting one, and even behind that, just trying it. i think you'll like it.
3. I_Am_Your_Oblivion - you said your faith is in God? but you're also a mormon, right? how... devoted, i guess, are you? how much do you believe it?
4. i'll be 18 on march 8th.. that's kinda exciting.
-dave 2/23/2005 death.the metaphysical airport where you catch your next flight, the transition into a time where you get beaten and punished for a long while, simply the end?
you decide. let's make this a family event; invite your friends. if everyone puts in their two cents, we'll have a plenty of wealth to share (which is, mathematically speaking, completely illogical, but, whatever).
-dave.
ps - woot, just broke a thousand views. yay for me. *groan...*so.
i feel weird. funny. sick maybe.
physically, at least.
otherwise, i just feel... stupid?
dumb.
like a... moron... *sigh...*
it's like, i don't feel bad, i just really don't feel good. where has all my good gone??
ahh.
that's it.
that's why i'm empty.
i was reminded of my own loneliness
after all this time of both trusting in God to fill me and just place convincing myself.
was i actually convincing myself? or just forgetting ignoring neglecting
hating...
*sigh...*
it's just me and You God.
and i'm alone again... |
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but still, everytime, i try to warn them, don't go there, don't do that, stay away from there. but they are so blind, so... dead to what God has to say. they look for fulfillment in popularity, drama, boyfriends and girlfriends, but even though they can't find any, the world keeps them guessing because it can send so many things their way. my 99 previous boyfriends didn't work, but maybe my 100th will! of course it will, why should i think that it wouldn't! ugh... it's a burden telling them what a burden they're carrying themselves. so if you girls (and guys) are reading this, fall in love with God, not yourselves, your latest date, or the drama. G. O. D.|
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